THE plan

Clanettes! Niamh turns 3 next week! THREE! Time is creeping past, after all the Feb birthdays we hit March and then I'm 1 year post fusion.

I think its time I shared my life plan with you.

I mentioned I have applied to college.. Well, using an exerp from an email I sent my parents last week, let me explain what I'm actually doing.. 

"The course at college I applied for this morning is called 'access to higher education' for people over 24yrs who want to go to uni and either haven't got any qualifications or who haven't studied for a number of years. There are 5 modules, I can remember that two are social science and history off the top of my head. I choose 4 modules.

It starts in sept, 4 mornings a week. 9.15-12.15. There is an onsite crèche for Niamh (and hopefully pre-school!) The bigs will go to breakfast club at school. It's an academic year long.

It costs a lot and I need a specific loan from the govt.

I then apply for midwifery at Southampton uni. That course is full time and 4 academic years long.. I apply for the course fees using the same loan as the college and then when I graduate the govt write off both loans because they desperately need midwives.

Because the course is in essence free, 200+ people apply for 35 spaces.. They are picky and I need to stand out. Hence volunteering etc.

It's a very long term goal!! Terrifying in fact. I will hear from the college in May as to wether I've got an interview for a space on the access course."

 

Eeeek! I've written it down now. I've put it out there..

 Me and my colleague Caroline, just before our demo's. Caroline talks about baby monitors.

My demo paraphanalia

A good shot to show you the size of the group of people listening.

A glorious shot of my bald patch, just as I started my talk.  

I'm hoping that I will be able to use shots like the ones above to show that I have carried my love of supporting pregnant mums through into my retail job, ever working towards my goal of midwife.

With regard to volunteering, I keep a diary and write up each visit as I get in so thats its fresh. Two recent anecdotes spring to mind for you Clanettes... On the ward where I volunteer, each patient room has 4 beds in it, split with curtains. The space isn't massive and one bed and chair is in each division, with not a lot of room for anything else. When I go into each room, I shake the curtain and call 'knock knock' to let the people behind the curtain know that I'm there, then I poke my head round whilst introducing myself. They either invite me round or I politely move away.. You never ever know what you are going to get behind a curtain.. A couple of weeks ago I poked my head round a curtain, after invitiation, to be faced with a packed space full of African tribes people in full of tribal outfits. They were all clearly talking about in a very different language and I was massively intimidated... MASSIVELY. But help the lady I did. 

Secondly, in only 5 weeks, I have also learnt that not everyone is happy to see you in a different setting. Whilst helping out in the cafe at work last week, looking particularly sweaty from dishwash stacking during a busy lunch time, I put a stack of trays back in their resting place, whirled round and came face to face with a lady I had helped the week before. The last time I had seen her she was at her most vulnerable, only hours after giving birth without many clothes on. She clearly recognised me, and then chose to ignore me (As is her right, I would never acknowledge anyone I knew from the hospital until they had acknowledged me) the problem that remained was her being sat on the only free table, looking right at me as I filled the dishwasher in the back of the cafe.. I didn't know what to do with myself!

Away from work and volunteering, we managed to get out the park over the weekend and enjoy some sunshine - even though everything seems flooded!

I leave you with some shots of Niamh with Barney and Liv, Vikki's baby's. I wanted to publically thank you VF, for loving Niamh like one of your own. Your pep talks and plans for pre-school runs and kidlet swapping have settled me no end when I think of the juggling act I want to embark on. Thank you xxx

Tri-versary

Its been a whole year since the Henley Triathlon (see here) and it feels like a good day to re-evaluate my goals. I spent the afternoon with Lucy today, and then we went for a swim this evening. The swim was good, if frustrating, yada yada, but it lead me to think about what my long term goals are.

What do I actually want to achieve now?

Back in January, before surgery, before I knew this year would be different to last year, I set myself 13 goals (I'm sorry I dropped out of your initiative Rebecca!) and those goals were:

My goals for 2013

Personal goals:
* SORT MY BACK OUT, OR AT LEAST LEARN HOW TO IMPROVE AND MANAGE IT
* FIND A PART TIME JOB - THIS IS A BIGGIE FOR ME, VERY SCARY MENTALLY

Family goals:
* 'DEEP CLEAN' AND ORGANISE THE HOUSE, ROOM BY ROOM
* INITIATE SOME ROUTINES TO HELP THE HOUSE FUNCTION MORE EFFICIENTLY
* GET THE KIDLETS INVOLVED IN HELPING THE HOUSE TO RUN SMOOTHLY

Health and fitness goals:
* WORK ON STRENGTHENING MY CORE, THIS WILL FURTHER HELP MY BACK
* TRY ALL THE FITNESS CLASSES I AM ENTITLED TO WITH MY GYM MEMBERSHIP
* HAVE SWIMMING TUITION TO IMPROVE MY TECHNIQUE AND SPEED
* TONE AND FIRM UP MY NEWLY SLIMMER BODY
* BEAT LAST YEARS HENLEY TRIATHLON TIME
* RUN 5K IN 30 MINUTES, SHAVE THE TIME FURTHER, THEN RUN 10K

* CYCLE 1OO MILES IN ONE DAY- THIS IS ALSO A BIGGIE, CAN I PHYSICALLY DO IT?

(See the post here)

I have actually achieved ALL of my personal and family goals - and I didn't even realise it!!! I have fixed my back, I have got a job, we deep cleaned the house, the kidlets are now more involved in the running of it, and actually, from my health and fitness list, I did have swimming lessons too. That's half the list done! Not too shabby if I do say so myself.

Anyway my point is, well Lucy's point actually, as I was berating myself over a crap swim, was why do I keep beating myself up, why don't I just set myself a 'normal' goal? Why do I have to keep setting my standards to my old tri self? I didn't just get up and run from word go in Jan 2012, I didn't just cycle 66 miles one day. I wheezed my way through the C25K and earned my sweat and tears, I earned my first 5k run and I sure as hell earned my bike miles. So how can I expect what is effectively a new back, to start doing what old back couldn't even do towards the end (end of what?).

Normal goals!! I need to consider myself, my new self, my balance and what makes me happy.

My first goal, the first of my new and normal goals, is to set about finding 5 things I can achieve and will make me happy over the next few weeks and months.

This was taken a few weeks ago, it was a good evening and I laughed loads. I had just made the button necklace I'm wearing and enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine. More evenings like this are def going to be on my list of goals!

Thanks for Motivation Monday Rebecca,stolen your pin x


I challenge you too Clanettes, can you look back at the first half of this year and see what you've achieved?
Thanks for reading xx

Lessons

Paul has gone back to work properly this week, the Bigs are at school and Niamh and I have taken some time out of our normal routine. We are deep cleaning the house, and if I'm honest, I'm avoiding life. I'm avoiding all the things we would normally fill our time with. This is a good and positive thing and it's what I need to do right now.

As I have mentioned, I am struggling with my fear of the operation and my recovery, but really, since having the news from the consultant I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I had been treating myself like a melodramatic school child, convinced that there was nothing wrong with me, I have pushed and pushed myself to remain active and 'normal' and now I feel like I have permission to admit if I am in pain or if I want to go to bed early, or if I need to make some changes to our daily routine.

Because Paul works so far away, I am on my own with the kidlets from 6am til 7pm and because of how things currently are, the kidlets and I have changed many little things, but principly our morning school routine. I can't push the pushchair right now, without suffering later, so Niamh is walking there and back twice a day - except in case of emergency. We are all really enjoying it! The bigs are being super helpful, we are being super organised (I am not trying to do a million jobs before the school run) and by leaving the house earlier, everyone is less stressed, we are all able to walk together and talk (Shock horror!) rather then being late and frog marching ourselves up to school. Even this morning, in the pouring rain, we all donned our waterproofs, wellies and left with plenty of time to spare and enjoyed a walk to school.

There is one really valuable lesson right there - I enjoy my children's company, I enjoy walking with them and talking to them - I had forgotten this!! It is so easy to get stuck in the humdrum inevitable-ness that is a routine (the school run is just one example) that you can forget that some situations are only stressful because you make them like that. I am so lucky, I don't have anywhere to be, so why was I flying around before school like a woman on a mission to complete an entire days tasks before 8.30am?

Another lesson. I realllllllly want to job the I was offered and accepted just a couple of weeks ago. I thought I wanted a job to put some extra cash in my pocket, but actually, I was excited about the job in general. The new store, the new team, the new experience, the change in my routine.
The irony of staying at home for 5 years, and then within weeks of finding a job, needing surgery 2 days after my start date, is not lost on me!
I will admit I put off ringing them. What a cringey phone call!!  Go with bright and breezy Sarah! Be enthusiastic and keen! 'Hi there! You offered me a job and I accepted last week? Weeeelllll... I can't start for 8 weeks.... But please let me assure you that I definitely want the job, I am a quick learner and I am confident that I can learn on the job...' Gah! It was a hideous phone call, and it didn't go as positively as I would have liked. I rang them back this morning, after hearing nothing for 48hrs and it felt a bit more positive... Come on guys! I'm a keeper, let me start in May, you know you want me! You know you need me!

Another lesson I have learnt this week. I miss exercise. I love exercise. Specifically I love triathlon. When I admitted defeat and stopped exercising in January, I wondered if that was it, if I was admitting that actually I am not as active as I had kidded myself and if I would be happy to sit back on the sofa.
I am thrilled to realise that I am looking forward to getting back to it. I am aware its going to be tough - recovery notwithstanding, just starting the C25K again is going to be killer both mentally and physically, but I am looking forward to it. Each achievement will have double the meaning going forward, a step in the right direction, a step towards where I was, but more importantly, a step towards where I know I want to be.

I feel like I am coming out of my fugg of self pity Clanettes, and realising that the world is still my oyster, I am losing nothing by having surgery. I have the world to gain and I am excited x x

Looking forward - sport

Paul and I have been looking to next year and setting ourselves some goals. After 3 weeks out of the game (aka gym!) I am feeling pretty de-motivated and so I really enjoyed our planning session last night - in front of a warm roaring fire, with bacon sandwiches, amazing apple cake courtesy of a visit from my family, in the coziness of our lounge. Win win. (See Vikki, I can own up to the less than virtuous food :-)

Swimming:
I had thought to enter an open water swim triathlon next year, but I have decided that this is perhaps bigger than I want for next year, when my primary goal is still cycling based. My swimming is good, although I maintain breaststroke, and I improve and improve, but it still isn't open water swimming worthy.
To this end I have decided to find a local lesson or two for adults who want to improve their stroke and technique.
I have promised myself that next summer I will endeavour to do some beach swimming.

Cycling:
100 miles in one go, during one sportif is my over whelming urge and goal next year. I love my bike and all the miles I do on her, she is my steed! I have decided to enter the New Forest Spring Sportive, doing the 'epic' route of 86 miles... Eeeeeeeeeeeeek. Let me reiterate. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK. Emma and I booked the 50 mile 'standard' route this time last year and that was frightening. This feels on a par with that. I am further on than I was, I recognise that, but this is 20 miles further than I have done so far and its winter.. Dreaded cycling weather. BUT! Paul and I are gifting ourselves a turbo trainer for Christmas. The shed is fully kitted out and a perfect space for making the best use of a turbo trainer, and this one is our current favorite - although we will wait for the after Christmas sales before committing.
The autumn will see me enter my 100 mile race.. But dates haven't been released yet.

Running:
I continue to aim for 5k in 30 mins. My PB still stands at 5k in 33mins. I know that once I get back out there it won't be long before I can achieve it. I plan to maintain my running and vary my distance. 7k is a standard run for me right now, so extending that will be part of my plan. Continuing with my endurance will pay dividends once I get back into brick training come the spring.

Triathlon:
Initially Paul and I were very excited about the Festival of Sport, held in September in Cornwall. But the event has been cancelled (plus any triathlon there would have been open water swimming) so I have chosen two other initial triathlons for next year - a local one in Fareham (this years details can be found here, next year hasn't been confirmed yet) and I am going to go back to Henley (see here), now I know what to expect, to see what I can do about improving my time.

Paul's goals include a half distance iron man in August. The event is called 'The Eirias' and he plans to compete with our friend Dylan. A great challenge! My parents have kindly agreed to have the kidlets for two nights, so Paul and I are going to Wales for three days with Dylan and Jo - Jo is his wife, a friend I made when Bebe was born. I have mentioned her blog before, but you should go and check out her amazing feats here. They have four children, so it shall be slightly crazy that we will be without all seven kidlets for two nights! Bring on the wine. Ahem. I mean, bring on the training! Bring on the cheering!

Then in September Paul has entered 'Challenge Henley' which is a full distance Iron Man. C-r-a-z-y distances, not for the faint hearted.

I'm really excited by the initial plans we have made, and I am looking forward to getting back to training this weekend! On Sunday I shall make my come-back. A 5k run followed by a swim. Hasta la vista baby!

What are your plans for next year?