Back on it, Baby!

I have had a busy couple of days Clanettes, and it has been fabulous! 

On Thursday I went back to breastfeeding clinic (Vikki came to hold my hand and I made us late because I was having a flap. Thank you for being so patient!). I managed the whole session - it was manic frankly, and I came straight home and went to bed.  Which was just as well because Vicky (yet again, thank you!) collected me that evening and we trotted down the road to Elle's house. What started as a bit of innocent jelly fish crochet poncho making (they are at a festival this weekend with an under the sea theme and Elle whipped up some costumes.. They look great and will be amazing once she strings them with solar fairy lights!), quickly became a wine and sausage roll party.

I drank far too much wine, and had a ridiculously good time - apologies for my mad ranting about most things ladies! Crochet carnage!

Man oh man I paid for it on Friday morning. I was pretty ruined to be fair, and had to be up sparkly and bright to go and see my consultant and have physio.. Thank goodness Paul had the day off and could get everything ship shape.


Immediately on arrival at the hospital I had more X-rays done - they look exactly the same as the first set I had done as I left hospital. Lets have another look at the cringing photo.

The photo on the left is upside down, but shows a face on view, so the cross strap is actually at the bottom of my spine and makes sure all the screws load bear rather than just one or two. The photo on the right is indeed looking at my spine through my left side. So you can see that I have no flexibility through that part of my spine.

Seeing the consultant was great. He was delighted with my progress and how the bone grafts are healing. He has encouraged me to get back to sports, taking care to go as slowly as I need and to make sure that I lie down and put my spine into neutral if it gets too much. Ultimately, the more active I am, the easier it will get. Music to my ears!

Seeing the Physio immediately afterwards was good - she had me on the stepper and doing all sorts of core strengthening exercises.

So immediately Lucy and I went back to the gym last night, and had a swim. I was hugely nervous. Sunday mornings in the gym are quiet, there are no full time staff around and it is easy to be anonymous. Friday night is not like that. Our gym is small and everyone knows everyone - particularly when you spend as much time there as Lucy and I do (did!) (do!). I don't know why I am so reticent to talk about Spinal Fusion in real life, but I am. Lucy thinks I am silly, and she is probably right. She usually is. I can prattle on til the cows come home on here, my blog, but I find it hard in person. The long and short of it, I suppose, is that I am embarrassed. Who the hell has their spine fused? The whole thing seems so melodramatic.

Anyway. Everyone was suitably interested in my absence, then in my stick and then in 'Spinal Fusion? No way!'. Yes way. Way embarrassing.

I did 15 mins on the elliptical trainer, 15 mins on the bike, 5 mins on the treadmill with a grade 2 incline and then we hit the pool. Ok. What I mean is, limped to the pool. The lifeguards had kindly put the disabled steps out for me and in I got. Lucy, you made the whole experience so much easier for me, you were so confident that it was so normal. Exactly what I needed thank you.
Getting in the pool was weird, almost as if the buoyancy exaggerated everything. Everyone has a spine, and yes you can touch it and feel it, but generally speaking you can't 'feel' your spine. Even beforehand, at the height of my pain, I couldn't 'feel' my spine, just pain in the 'catch' around it. Last night I could feel my spine. There was no pain, the whole thing was pain free, but I was aware of 'scaffolding' holding my spine.. It's hard to describe. I suppose if I describe it by saying that when you wear a glove, your hand can feel the glove and there is no pain, but it isn't like gripping with a normal grasp.. does that make sense?
I know that this weird scaffolding sensation is actually how it feels to be me now, and I know it will become normal, but last night it was weird and together with extra weird rippling water on my weird burning sensation skin, we got out after 6 s l o w lengths.
But I did it. I went to the gym and I went swimming. Then I immediately went to bed and was grateful to sleep like a log and wake up with that 'Yay, its the day after the day after the night before, and I'm not hungover!' feeling.

So there we go. 6 weeks post spinal fusion on Monday and I went to the gym and swam last night. I always joked that I'd be 'Back on it' by 6 weeks. One of those scary, cocky, please be ok jokes. Well this time the joke is not on me. I'm Back on it, baby!

So its Saturday now. It's Beltane weekend, on of our festivals of celebration (Totally missed Ostara whilst I was in hospital!). For the last 10 years we have ALWAYS camped at Beltane (see last year at the bottom of this post here - ironically I also talk about physio for my back! Some things don't appear to change!) and it is weird that this year we aren't camping. In fact everything is pretty normal today. Normal is GOOD! The Bigs have gone to their respective Saturday morning clubs with Paul and Niamh and here I am, blogging.

Bebe is 5 a week on Monday, and as she has shown an interest in a dance class, my parents got her a uniform for her birthday - which she has had early today. She was DELIGHTED!

Happy bank holiday weekend,
Thanks for reading x x

Turbo-mania

So I was in bed, having a well earned rest. I've had spinal fusion you know. I'm allowed to wallow in bed.

Apparently not.

Paul bounded upstairs and suggested he sort me out a go on the turbo. Peeking out from the cosy covers I had a tonne of reasons why it wasn't a good idea.

Off he popped, only to come back a short while later and tell me it was all set up in the sunshine, and the only thing stopping me was myself.

Damn it. There is nothing like a bit of shame to get me up and running. Turbo-ing.

So I got dressed and using my supports, both physically and metaphysically, I got on the turbo.

I can't currently reach my handles, and I don't have the core strength to keep upright for long. But I did the hard bit. I got out of bed and had a go.

I'll leave you with some cheesy action shots. I'm feeling very pleased with myself right now!
Thanks for reading xx

Back on my bike

5 weeks tomorrow, post spinal fusion.

As I went into physio yesterday, a lady was coming out from her appointment with my therapist, and my therapist remarked that we ladies were similar. We had both had similar surgery, although she was further post surgery than I was.
I don't know her story, I don't know how bad her pain is, so really, I shouldn't judge her, but talking to her was hard work. It made me realise that despite feeling a bit low last weekend, I see my fusion as the beginning of a new and eventual pain free chapter in my life and I can't wait to heal, get strong and start doing everything I love (and even things I don't love!) again.
The lady I met was not on my page, everything was very gloomy from her perspective, even though she admitted she was in less pain than she had been.

Is pain a perspective? Am I in pain? Do I recognise it? How is it 'easier' for me than someone else? Is it actually easier? Yes, sure, things ache, stuff hurts, yada yada yada, but everyone has pain - mine is getting better.

I don't have any of the answers, but I do know that my heart soared when the physio cleared me for light exercise bike action (this includes my beloved turbo -if I can get my leg over..!) and gentle treadmill usage. She has even cleared me for swimming, however she isn't sure if I will be able to maintain posture this early on. Breaststroke is over-extending my spine the wrong way, as I keep my head out of the water, and front crawl is twisting. Neither are impossible, but swimming may be a case of deep pool walking to start off with, who cares! I am so eager to try!

The physio has cautioned me about road cycling in the long term.. She talked to me about cycling posture and that try as I might, my spine is actually fused.. That did deflate me slightly. Of all of my 'sports', cycling is my absolute fave and I adore 'Amy' my road bike. To swap from my road bike and go to something more upright is difficult to consider. I liken it to giving up my porsche in favour of a more comfortable car. Pfffft!

Surely, If I (and by 'I', I really mean Paul!) get some upright handles, adjust it all accordingly, and just gingerly get back on Amy, taking it steady steady steady, it will become the norm. My body will adapt.

If I don't even try, how can I go forward on a 'lesser' bike, knowing what it was to cycle in total freedom beforehand?!

This is one of the many articles we have been reading - this doesn't sound to hard to achieve! How-to-cycle-with-lumbar-fusion 

So. Anyway.

This morning I made my own porridge (yet another first!), and managed to explode it everywhere, before Lucy picked me up and we went to the gym. I was so excited. It was all so familiar and normal.

I was embarrassed to have my stick in the gym, but Lucy insisted and actually it did come in handy at the end. It also mades me think about the people you judge in the gym - I didn't really break a sweat this morning, but was I working any less hard than anyone else in there?

I sat on the exercise bike for 15 mins and without effort cycled 3.75km, then walked on the treadmill for 15 mins, before getting back on the bike for another 15 mins and a further 3.75km. There was no pain. A GREAT START!

My playlist was sorted by my personal DJ, Vikki. She writes the sound track to my life and I hope she will continue to do so. I love the playlists more than I think she knows. The thought and care generally make me cry. But then everything does!

Can you see the theme!

My goal three goals for this week:
1) Ditch my stick in the house. I do not want it, I do not want to need it. If I can go round the house without it, I can start to think about walking outside without it.
2) Put my own socks on!
3) School run. I can walk the distance now, I just need to be brave enough to be in charge of an unruly 2 year old who I can't carry.

Come on Sarah, you can do this. You rule your own world.

90 years young

My Grandad turns 90 on the 02nd May, so we had a little family party today. My Mum and Dad hosted, and everyone met at their house. I haven't seen my cousins since my own wedding, 9 years ago.. It was a good day to catch up - and a good day for my kidlets to meet their second cousins.

Garden

The synchronicity of life never fails to amaze me. As I hit 'publish' on yesterdays narrative, the postman delivered the plug plants I had ordered eons ago - back in February I ordered 70 perenial plug plants and paid the bargain price of £10. Hello deal!

Lucy nipped over for lunch yesterday, between clients, and offered to help me get them put in the ground.

How teeny are they!! They will get BIG! Lots of lavendar, fox gloves, poppies and geraniums.

This was one of my over-grown,winter neglected, beds, before Lucy got to work.

Niamh got stuck in too.

Lucy set too, as is her style, and even mowed the lawn for me. THANK YOU LUCY. I felt so 'normal' pottering outside with you today (letting you do all the work). Lunch too, just like normal. Thank you xxxxx

How neat and tidy now! Teeming with new little plants, and lots of slug deterrant. Grow plants, grow!

As Lucy left, dinner arrived. We are still being gifted our evening meal and we have had the most amazing two weeks of food. Tonight we have homemade quorn and veggie pasties, with cheesy mash. I just can't tell you how much of a help it has been - and will be next week. Even though the rota ends on Sunday, everyone has been so generous that our freezer is full of leftovers and we won't need to cook next week either.

I am aware of how lucky I am. How loved I am. I am supremely appreciatve.

Thank you, you all know who you are x x x

Sunshine

Yesterday my parents came to visit and we spent a busy few hours - they wanted to see Kiddicare, and where I will be working. That then prompted us to go and find me some uniform trousers and shoes, to go with my coveted pink t shirt.

I managed to find the worlds most ludicrously priced, least feminine, potentially ugliest, vile shoes for work. Heartbreaking. However I just can not fault their comfort. Like walking on (ugly) air. And as my mother pointed out, I'm going to have enough pains to worry about on my first day, without worrying about my feet.. Good point. Besides, at a size 10, I'm used to ugly shoes! Plus my trousers are long enough to cover most of the hideousness.

Anyway, I digress.

The adventures of yesterday have made me contemplative today. I couldn't have envisaged walking around long enough to try shoes on two weeks ago, let alone maintain upbeat ugly shoe banter with my father, and milestones like that need to be celebrated. So whilst I wasn't in the mood to go out today, I did feel the need to sit in the garden sunshine this morning. Another thing I have not yet felt compelled to do this year. Another milestone. I am well enough to want to 'potter' in my garden. Whoop!

The garden is a mess and as I started taking a few photos, I realised that my garden is very symbolic of me right now. The bare bones of it are there, its essence is intact. The new shed looks great and spring is out and shining through, but there is a lot of winter debris to clear away. It needs some TLC and a good bit of work, but it is singing with the promise of summer.

Everything is alive in the sunshine today. Everything feels connected today. Me included. I am plugged into me and my life, and what a joy it is.

Thanks for reading x x

Little things

Today I am hugely grateful for:

My children.

Brenna had just helped me put my socks on, and we came downstairs to find Lochie and Niamh loading the washing machine for me.

I wrote in my last post about how I like to run the house and how I am not very good at relinquishing control. Of the many lessons I have learnt during this experiance, one of them is that the kidlets are hugely more capable than I give them credit for. They are amazing human beings in their own right.

Cake two nights running! Fruit and cream cheese frosted cupcakes, together with Jam and coconut cake pops... Hello goodness, healer of spines!

Please note there is only ONE stick here! That is right, I quit the second stick. Go me! 

Attached to the stick is my gun, my 'handy grabber'. I didn't understand its usefullness in the beginning, but as I get more active and competant, it is becoming more and more useful. Where I can't bend or reach, my handy grabber does the job. It is suprisingly nimble too, and can pick up teeny tiny things (like stickers on the carpet when the children have gone to bed!). It has a magnet on the end too. Attached to my walking stick, its like a healing transformers dream!

Knitting. Way easier than crochet, and quite quick too.  I started knitting a small sample piece and it evolved into a cuff type bracelet. Nice.