Thursday, January 23, 2014


Today I stumbled across this article called 'A new normal: 10 things I've learned about trauma'. I have read it quite a few times today. I'm going to be massively self indulgent (more so than usual!) right now, and say that spinal fusion is indeed a trauma. Its a trauma I just can't swallow!! I can really relate to the article. Point number 3 'healing is seasonal, not linear' has really touched a nerve with me, and put words to my frustrating round of 'I feel great, I'm so grateful for spinal fusion, life is just so much better' followed swiftly by 'I am angry! I used to run and run and think nothing of it and now I can't'.. I like that healing is seasonal and not necessarily linear. It makes me feel less insane. Even if I do feel like a slightly broken record.

So. To the truth. I felt amazing and in control last week whilst juicing, but this week not so much. My mental 'health' really does rely on my physical 'health' and I do need to workout to feel good. Its being able to when there are not enough hours in the day and you can't just nip over to the park. That's all I'm going to say right now, I'm trying to sort it out.

In less depressing news, actually, in massively exciting news, I have today applied for a place on the 'Access to Higher Education' course at a local college. Its a course for adults who want to go to university and who haven't studied for a long time. Fingers crossed I get an interview - and then ultimately get a place! I will keep you posted.

Thanks for letting me ramble Clanettes. When I look back at my posts over the last year, I am aware that I do put my rose tinted glasses on when describing things, because lets face it, who wants to read the depressing drivel of a broken woman. But equally, its getting on for nearly a year now and I'm starting to think that people think I should be 'over it' by now. Well sometimes I just need you to know that I'm not always as fixed as I'd like you to think I am! I'm def not 'over it'!! Ha ha!!

I'll leave you with x-ray pics of my mums fusion, compared with mine. Hers is on the left in both pictures. Hers is 25 years old and made of steel, my is obvs not yet a year and made of titanium. My fusion is clearly a lot bigger, but interestingly, my mums scare is much bigger than mine. Just need my sisters x-rays now!!

Apologie for the poor quality, these were just held up to the back door and photographed with the light (and garden!) behind them.
Lots of love x x

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