One year on

I felt like I should write something about being one year post surgery but I can't think of anything to say! So have a self portrait, '18 centimetres, 12 months on'.. Or something similar (aka cooler with more street cred) if only a better title would come to me!

Thanks for sticking with me, thanks for reading xxx

In other news

There have been and continue to be bright sparks in my world.  

Over the last three weeks these are a few, in no particular order..

The bigs made veggie pals

Getting the front garden clear and ready for planting!

Going for a meal and having far far to much to drink!

Joining a new posh gym ('Paul's' gym, the local virgin active!) and having the use of a crèche!

First aid training...

The children and their friends

Being able to go to the re gym as a family

Moon lodge. Sitting fireside with Lucy, and like minded ladies, and drumming/singing is one of the most uplifting things you can experience!

Cycling to a pub with Paul!

You see Clanettes! It's not all doom and gloom. Thanks for all the supportive feedback I've had following my last post. I'm touched by it all. I've taken action, I've made a positive step and I will keep you posted on the road as it unravels xxx

Change

This is that awkard first blog post after nearly three weeks away... I have so much to write and not an easy place to start.
It was mentioned to me a couple of posts ago, that I seem very negative, that I don't seem to be looking forward and that the happy go lucky blog of a while ago was missing. I'll be honest. I didn't take hearing those words very well. It made me angry frankly. Who is anyone to judge my path, and how I am feeling? I'll be over 'it' when I'm good and ready thanks. I own this is experience called life, its mine, all of it.

So I took the well meaning convo and threw my blogging toys out of the metaphorical pram and avoided writing. If I have nothing positive to say, then surely there is no point in writing? But you see, I write this blog for me, as time passes and allows me the privilege of looking back, I like seeing photos and reading anecdotes. I love blogging. I miss blogging.

So I'm blogging.

However hard it was to hear what in essence felt like I was being told 'Its been a year Sarah, stop moping, the op was a massive success, get over it' (Apologies to you, convo-er, I know that will be hard to read, but this is my blog and that's what I felt like you were saying even though I know you weren't. I love you xxx), I have made many small changes and I have realised that what I am feeling goes beyond simply moping. I am not feeling myself and I haven't been for sometime.

So I've pulled my big girl pants on and been to see my dr. It mainly involved me crying lots and saying that I felt unhappy, which is ridiculous, but I do even though I can see all the positive and that I should be on top of the world.. I'm just not feeling the love.

I've been referred to http://www.steps2wellbeing.co.uk/ for some emotional help and support.

There! I've said it!! The elephant can be welcomed into the room - HI NELLY!!

Now that I have said it, I can leave it for a while to sit. Rest assured I will mention it again when I have a better handle on what I'm dealing with.

Thanks for reading Clanettes, my next post will be nice and light, prom prom xxxx

My mums birthday

For my mums birthday my sister and I decided a spa day was in order..

We all had a treatment included in our day package. I opted for a sun and sea mineral treatment.. Which was basically a lovely warm jet bath with low level UV light to promote a sense of well being. Very nice.

The best bit of it all though was spending uninterrupted time with my mum and my sister. No mad rush. No kidlets. Just time. There is never enough time!

BIKE

Paul, Emma and I went out on our bikes last weekend. The first test for the sportive in April. We went out late afternoon, after Niamh's birthday party, so time and light were against us.

Up until Sunday, the furthest distance I had cycled in the last 15 months was the 8miles I did with my friend Jo in Wales last August.. I had no clue on my ability, stamina or mind set.. I was nervous!! 

From the few times I cycled the 2 miles to and from work during the autumn, I knew that I had lost a lot of confidence. I've never come off my bike, I've never had an accident and never been worried about it. But for some reason it now plays on my mind all the the time! I am a nervous nelly, constantly watching for pot holes and other magnets which will either jarr my back or make me fall off.. Paul says it makes me a better rider.. All I know is that it makes my thighs ache, constantly lifting my bum off the saddle!!

Emma very sadly had her beloved bike stolen a couple of weeks ago, so she borrowed another friends bike and after a few adjustments we were off!

Only we weren't, because Paul's road bike sprung a spontaneous puncture and to save time he took his time trial bike..!

Half way round I was feeling so good that we decided to up the 10miles to 15miles, adjust the route and race home before the light went.. But then I got a puncture! More time wasted.

But we did it!!! I LOVED IT! How I have missed my bike, how I have missed cycling with Paul. How I missed my cycling adventures with Emma! We added a further half again onto our route, and despite my fears I came home a conqueror! I've lost quite a bit of movement in my back (duh! It's called fusion for a reason!) which means Im going to have to relearn how to look over my shoulder when pulling out into traffic and I have other minor adjustments to figure out, but I'm not worried about it anymore!

The following day Emma, Vikki and I took all the kidlets to the park for fresh air and it was so nice to hear that Emma had enjoyed the ride as much as I did.

Apart from anything else, the ride proved how valuable and well spent my time in the gym is. 

I go to the gym, slog my heart out on the cross trainer, angry beyond reason that I'm not well enough to run yet, jealous of the people on the treadmill and wonder at the point of it all.. Then I'm able to spontaneously go out on my bike and take 15miles in my stride.. Well worth the effort!

Whoop whoop!!

Thanks for reading Clanettes xx

Niamhs third birthday